There were three guys on top...

There were three guys on top of the cn tower, and they met a genie, the genie said I will give you one wish each, what you wish for you will jump off and land in it. the first guy wished to land in gold, so off he jumped and landed in gold, the second guy wished for lots of money he landed in money, the third guy said I wish for,,, Oh man I forget, oh crap, and with out Knowing he landed in a pile of crap.

 

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I think my wife is selling...

I think my wife is selling drugs! Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work and the phone rang. I answered it. Before I could say anything a male voice on the line said, Hey honey is that DOPE gone yet?
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Once there were three construction workers..

Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."

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3 ways to have fun with men...

3 ways to have fun with men:1.tell him that this girl he likes wants a kiss2.take out the batteries on the remote and then tell him that a Football game is on3.wait till the first two are complete, then innocently tell him that you thought he knew better.

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What is the best way to get ..

Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?

A.Stare at his crotch and laugh.Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?

A.Because they have nothing else to brag about.Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

A.YES!!!Q:Why do men never stop to ask for directions?

A.Because they aren`t lost, they just don`t know where they are.

Why do men have to flex ...

Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?
A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.

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Why do men think...

Why do men think they`re so superior if they have to become men while women just are?

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8 things you`ll never hear..

8 things you`ll never hear a man say...8. Here honey, you use the remote.7. You know, I`d like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That`s one movie I gotta see!5. While I`m up, can I get you anything?4. Sex isn`t that important, sometimes I just want to be held.3. Aww, forget Monday night football, let`s watch Melrose Place.2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.1. We never talk anymore.

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What`s the difference between ...

Q. What`s the difference between a man and E.T.?

A. E.T. phoned home.Q. How do men get excersize at the beach?

A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.Q. What`s a man`s idea of helpin with the housework?

A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes oneliners?

A. So men can understand them.Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?

A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?

A. Government bonds mature.Q. How are men like noodles?

A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

A. When it`s time to go back to his childhood, he`s already there.Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?

A. A hot dog and a six pack.Q. What`s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.

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Two guys were roaring down...

Two guys were roaring down a country road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can`t drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards," his friend advised. They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. Banta came upon the accident and ran to call the police. They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," Banta explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"